


This is how they both chose to love now that they're given the opportunity to again

by KiraLby



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Angst and Feels, Canonical Character Death, F/F, I'm Sorry, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Really Character Death, Oneshot, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:29:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29929317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiraLby/pseuds/KiraLby
Summary: She is barefoot and her hair is loose, the only thing that she's wearing is a light blue dress, gently moved by the wind that tastes of salt and freedom. But she doesn't feel cold nor warm. The sand is white and thin, so thin the edges of the beach mix with the fog which makes everything unfocused. There is no sun, just light softened thanks to the never-ending clouds, mashed together so you can't really see shapes that move with the wind or any hint of blue under them. It just all looks floaty, placed somewhere in the vast world in which the sea level and the top of the sky meet.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	This is how they both chose to love now that they're given the opportunity to again

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really so sorry about this.  
> At least I wrote it while crying, so I got the punishment I deserve.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this so-short-it-might-as-well-be-a-snip fic about Historia and Ymir finding each other in the afterlife.

She is barefoot and her hair is loose, the only thing that she's wearing is a light blue dress, gently moved by the wind that tastes of salt and freedom. But she doesn't feel cold nor warm. The sand is white and thin, so thin the edges of the beach mix with the fog which makes everything unfocused. There is no sun, just light softened thanks to the never-ending clouds, mashed together so you can't really see shapes that move with the wind or any hint of blue under them. It just all looks floaty, placed somewhere in the vast world in which the sea level and the top of the sky meet. The ocean before her is a stark shade of dark blue. Jagged lines of pearly white and a strange game of lights and shadows shape the waves that give it life and gently lick the verge of the beach. She gets closer to them, wanting to feel the water against her toes, feel the caress of the sea.

It's been so long since she's been caressed...

The waves are gentle with her and they don't freeze her feet, they don't reach for her ankles or her calves unless she thinks she would like to feel them there too. The foam doesn't linger on her skin unless she wants it to either, and she can't help but think that this is what it might feel to be touched by a lover. This is how she would explain love to someone who's never been loved. This is how she would love if she ever had the opportunity of doing it again.

The sea isn't the only thing that has color and shape in that strange bubble of time and space. There's also a small embankment right behind her which separates the beach from a never-ending green plane of grass, as seemingly empty as a graveyard when she turns around to look at it, just green splotches of paint, just white and wind and fog and clouds and... Then something. Something comes out of nowhere. Someone walks out of nothing and crosses the green hill, reaching the small descent to the beach. And a ghost stays there, looking directly at her.

Ymir stays there, looking directly at her.

And Historia runs out of the caress of the sea. Runs through the beach, feet sinking in the thin sand, labored breath mixing with white fog and fingers hurting so much she feels blood under her nails but she doesn't stop running until she can see Ymir's freckles. But then she can see the terror ingrained inside her eyes too, brown irises almost quivering, legs twitching and suddenly breaking into a run. A run away from her, trying to lose herself again in the fog.

"Ymir!"

So Historia runs too. Historia jumps over the embankment and runs barefoot after Ymir and her white shirt, fearing that horrible lack of color would swallow her again. She'd rather die. So she runs, and runs, and runs. She doesn't feel short of breath or any type of strain on her legs. She screams again.

"Ymir!" 

And runs and runs and just when she's starting to fear she's being punished to eternally run after Ymir, she finally catches her, jumping and grabbing her by the waist, throwing herself to the floor right after her. Their fall is clumsy and Ymir's nails scratch her hands intently. She feels like they would've drawn blood in any other circumstance. Her bodies struggle against one another, Historia smashing her face and arms against Ymir, refusing to let her go, while on the other hand Ymir seems to fight against it with all her strength. 

"I'm not letting you go again Ymir! Not again!"

Historia yells against Ymir's back, desperate tears wetting her white shirt. Ymir just screams, screams and screams and tries to break free until the dream seems to fast forward time and let them lying on the grass in a mess of tears and ragged breaths. Historia hasn't let her go yet.

"You aren't supposed to be here"

Ymir cries against the floor, punching it with the side of her hand and the whole hill seems to tremble. Something inside Historia clenches so hard her heart cracks. 

"But I am"

"You weren't supposed to die yet!"

Ymir's throat sounds shattered, vocal cords reduced to thin threads about to snap.

"I told you to live, Historia! Why aren't you!?"

"Ymir, please. Please look at me. Please don't run away"

She's so tired. She slowly lets go when Ymir tries to turn to look at her. Her skin is as full of stars as it's always been. She's a goddess. But Ymir stills cradles her face as if she's the one that's come from the moon and sky. And Historia cries. 

"What have you done?"

"Nothing. I don't know why I'm here, Ymir"

She sobs and completely breaks. She's wrecked. She feels like a mess of shattered bones and ripped skin, lost and tired and bearing all the hurts of the world. And Ymir tries to put her back together. Now it's Ymir holding her, pressing her close to her chest, to her shoulder and her whole being. At least it feels like she's flesh and bone too.

"We all feel like that when we come here. Just cry, let it go"

Historia coughs and fills the gap between Ymir's shoulder and neck with her tears. 

"My princess, my Historia... I've missed you so much"

Her chest quivers while she speaks, like she's going to cry too if she's not careful.

"I know why you left... But Ymir"

She repeats her name a few times. It tasted just like the sea wind. 

"Ymir, Ymir, Ymir... Why did you leave me? Ymir"

And Historia could swear she hears Ymir's heart rip apart inside of her chest. 

"I'm so sorry"

Ymir's fingers sink into her blonde hair, cradling her head, making her press her forehead against her neck and it feels like she's being cut open and her insides are being prodded, taken out and put back in again in the correct order. It hurts so much but it feels so right at the same time.

"I'm so sorry I didn't marry you, Historia. I'm so sorry I left you alone. I'm-"

That's when Historia chooses to kiss her. And it's deep. The touch of her lips is gentle with her and it doesn't burn her skin, Ymir's hands don't reach for any part of Historia's body in which Historia doesn't think she would like to feel her reach. And her touch doesn't linger on her skin unless she wants it to either. And this is how they both chose to love now that they're given the opportunity to again.

"I love you, Ymir"

"My dear Historia..."

That's how the letter that Ymir wrote to her starts, and it still rests inside Historia's bedside drawer, locked away in a safe place while she dreams right next to it.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on my tw @trashy_kira


End file.
